Wedding Homily

Lord Jesus, you are here for we are gathered in your name, and we gather with Belle and Dallas as they join their lives together in you. Bless them as they commit themselves to each other – bless this moment of beginnings, this launching of Belle and Dallas’s glorious adventure! And bless us all as we support them in that adventure, both as it begins today and long, long into the future. In Jesus’ name, AMEN!

Belle, Dallas, you’ve been counting the days for over a year – and probably the hours the last few days – and now it’s here: Your wedding day, the day in which your individual timelines – and those of your families – will become forever intertwined. Indeed, today, June 26, 2021, you will become one in Christ, and we are all here to share in your joy. So let’s begin by putting everything in context by anchoring this moment in God’s word. 

“Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other” (Romans 12.10).

“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. “Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever!” (I Corinthians 13.4-8).

My dear friends – and I say that so deliberately – my dear friends, your choice of Scripture readings is truly profound. Of course, it’s no surprise that both readings touch on love, but they do so in subtly different ways. In the verse from Romans, Paul reminds us – reminds you – to love honestly and thoroughly, such that your loving – your honoring, serving, and deferring to one another – becomes a source of pleasure, delight even. The verse previous to the one you chose, verse 9, brings that out even more. “Don’t just pretend to love others,” Paul writes. “Really love them.” 

How? Paul provides some ideas in Romans further on, but he really nails the “how” in the reading you chose from I Corinthians 13 – the love chapter, as it’s known, and it’s in every wedding you’ve ever been to probably. But you chose to have us zero in on one part of the love chapter in particular, verses four to eight – the guts of the love chapter, the quick-start instruction manual. There’s no theologizing there, nothing abstract. Paul insists that love in action is longsuffering and benevolent; it’s not pigheaded or vulgar or selfish. It’s not cranky either, or sarcastic, and it’s definitely not wimpy. Rather love is loyal and persevering, never giving up no matter what. 

And here’s the kicker: You can’t live up to all these lofty goals…on your own! You’ll need God’s grace, but even with grace, you’ll still fall short from time to time. That’s why Paul throws in that line about not keeping a record of being wronged. That’s absolutely key, because even when you’re bound and determined to love each other perfectly – a good and noble goal to set on your wedding day, to be sure! – nonetheless, you’ll still fail from time to time (ask anybody that’s been married for longer than, say, a week), so you just have to get used to saying “I’m sorry,” and “I forgive you,” and then keep going, keep getting better at it. Keep getting better at loving each other.

That’s how marriages last 40, 50 years and longer, and it’s pretty good prep for being parents as well – something I know you’re both looking forward to. Back in Romans 12, Paul writes further on, “Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying,” and then “When God’s people are in need, be ready to help them.” If that’s not a formula for Christian parenthood, I don’t know what is – and it’s a mission you’ll take on together in God’s time with great love. 

And what a mission! Marriage and family intentionally rooted in Christ is a rich life, full of love and laughter and lavish generosity. I see you both reveling in that kind of rich life as the years unfold – as you welcome the children we pray God sends you, as you build up with them your own little domestic kingdom of love and life, and then as you two grow old together surrounded by a rollicking mob. 

Oh, the smiles you’ll know then – the sighs of contentment and peace. “Love will last forever,” Paul tells us at the end of that Romans verse you chose, because God is love and we become part of eternal love when we join our loving to his. That’s what you begin today. That’s why we’re here.

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On Her Sixth Birthday

"Nank you," she says, and "Her is
Upstairs" – endearing utterance
Doomed to extinction.

Professionals will have their way
In time, but not tonight! For
Now, her is heavy on my lap,

Safe, as we read a book
Falteringly, together,
Daddy and daughter.
Nank you.

Virginia Dale, February 29, 2012

Good Morning, Walgreens!

On our way to church on a Saturday morning, Nicholas made a request for some music or a Bible story CD or something else to listen to. “No,” I said. “Not this time, Nick. Let’s just have it quiet as we get ready for Mass.”

We drove on, but I could sense Nick getting restless in the back seat. Finally, as he turned toward the window and spotted a drugstore, he blurted out, “Good morning, Walgreens!”

The whole episode reminded me of that scene in the Gospel of Luke where Jesus was entering Jerusalem and the Pharisees were trying to shush the crowd. “I tell you, if they keep silent, the stones will cry out,” was Jesus’ reply. And if stones can’t help filling a silent void when joy overflows, neither can a nine-year-old boy who’s excited about making his First Holy Communion the next Sunday. Good morning, Walgreens, indeed!

Nicholas has Down syndrome, and he is exuberant, naturally upbeat, and gregarious—all traits commonly associated with Down’s kids. Every day is truly a gift, and they treat it as such. Every encounter, a privilege; every discovery, a wonder. And the drive to Mass? Not a time for silence, but a time for celebration and joy and flinging out greetings to anyone (and anything) within earshot.

Are there particular challenges associated with raising a child with Down’s?  I suppose, but I’d prefer to put it this way: That Down syndrome itself is the challenge, not the kid affected by it. Sure, there are special therapies, and sometimes special surgeries and medications—all true. But raising any child is challenging—and every child has particularities to deal with, as do we all.

Besides, children are always a gift—the supreme gift of marriage, as the Council fathers taught us in Gaudium et Spes. And their status as supreme gift is not affected in the least by what and how many “particular challenges” they arrive with. Unlike our sad culture that has adopted a consumerist mindset toward kids—expressed in its slavish devotion to contraception, reproductive technologies, and abortion among other things—our Faith affirms the inherent dignity of every child, every human person, no matter their physical or other limitations.

And Nick? He is truly a conduit of smiles—you can’t help it when you meet him. I noted already that he’s receiving Our Lord in Holy Communion for the first time next Sunday, and I can’t tell you how many strangers he’s informed of the fact. Catholic or not, can you imagine receiving that kind of news from a kid like Nick without a rush of warmth? Maybe some tears even? And how long can I be down in the dumps, no matter how hard my day, if Nick comes over, plops down in my lap, and asks me to read another saint story or a chapter from Diary of a Wimpy Kid? Not long, that’s for sure.

Very briefly, say just a matter of hours after Nick’s birth, my wife Nancy and I gave some thought to how we’d adjust to having a child with Down’s. But you know what? It was really just the same as adjusting to all our other newborns—adjusting to receiving a gift, a fantastic, glorious gift. And that’s a welcome challenge any time. 

A version of this story appeared on MyYearofFaith.com, Diocese of Fort Wayne-South Bend.